I love you!

Can you do this?

Today’s challenge

Go in front of a mirror any mirror will do.  State your full name and follow with I LOVE YOU!  Can you do it?

We not not truely capable of loving anyone or anything until you fully love yourself!

Powerful huh?!?!

So go try it!  For some this will be a challenge and for others it’ll be a breeze.  Why?  Over time our beliefs have changed and we don’t feel like we should about ourselves.  We need to reprogram, this is one step in the process.

Share your experiences.  Why was this hard?  What are your challenges in life.  We all have them.

This is something that Louise Hay recommends in her books.  This little step alone will change your life.  Do it daily, there is nothing wrong with loving you!

blood and things

WOW!  It’s been a while since I’ve written.  Lots going on.  I cancelled my mastectomy surgery again!  More to come on that topic.

Some of you might know that when I started this journey about a year and a half ago I started out by going to a clinic in Arizona that used low dose chemotherapy and high dose vitamin infusion all through IV’s.  At the time I was stubborn and didn’t want to get a port-o-cath or a PICC line.  For those that don’t know both of those are little gadgets that give you vein access without getting poked daily, I opted for the daily poke for a long while!  Which is also a long story that will soon come but for now let’s just say all my veins are shot!  Can’t draw blood from anywhere really.  So in preparation for the surgery I had to get a bicep accessory in my left arm (PICC line) which was a good thing, I was planning on giving blood finally, doing some more vitamin IV’s since I had access and the surgery of course that didn’t happen.  It had been 6 months since I’ve had any blood work, I’ve tried twice even went under ultrasound and they couldn’t get in a vein.  Finally, was able to give 10 tubes of my blood, thank you bicep accessory!!  I was nervous and scared, those tumor marker numbers can instill fear like no other.  It had been six months of me not knowing what was going on inside my body and the fear of cancer roaming freely is a extremely uncomfortable feeling!  After a few days of anticipation I got a call from my favorite nurse friend at my doctor’s office.  She said in a happy and excited voice “Jamie, your blood work is still all good and within normal levels”!!!!  You have no idea how I felt after hearing that!  And even better news I’m completely healthy all my blood work is normal!

But the bad and good news is the PICC line got a very large blood clot at the end of it and wasn’t functioning correctly so out that went.  If surgery is to happen I’ll be adding a new bicep accessory to my lovely arm!  More to come on that…….

WOOHOO for normal tumor marker numbers!!

 

FUNgus!

After my oldest daughter was diagnosed with Alopecia with not a lot of help out there or explanation I turned to food.  All of the things that I’m listing as kitchen no no’s are things that I eliminated trying to “repair” the damage.  Just keep in mind that it has all worked but I’m trying to write in order of the events so not to skip forward.

We drastically changed our diets.  Her hair wasn’t growing but I was still working.  I found a homeopathic friend that helped us a lot, taught me a lot and inspired me to keep researching and gave me a lot of tips.

#2 issue – Same daughter

She started developing skin lesions.  I wish I had pictures.  Behind her knees in the bends of her arms she started to develop what was thought to be eczema.  We tried everything but the doctors just kept sending us out the door with prescription creams.  It was so bad that we had to wrap her arms in gauze every morning and night.  It would itch so badly that she’d claw it all night into a bloody mess.  I’d cover every morning hoping that nothing would get in it and get infected.  I went all the way natural using natural creams, herbs and other things to ease the pain and itch.  Eventually it moved all up her back, neck and ended up on her face.  She was embarrassed.  Keep in mind she was already wearing a wig, had no eye brows or lashes and now had some skin condition, she felt horrible!  I went to a doctor that told me it was common in kids with Alopecia to have skin issues, allergies and asthma which she had all of.  No answers once again.  I dug in again!  Google is my best friend.  I came across some interesting information on fungus, yes FUNgus!  The creepy green cloud of smoke glazed over my computer as I started digging up information.  Of course this sends me to the library.  I don’t just use one source of information and I don’t self diagnose. I took her back to the doctors we had previously visited.  They all said, go get some athletes foot cream from the pharmacy and see if it works.  If so, you are right if not, than use this prescription, this was about #8 prescription with no results except the condition getting worse.   These doctors were really pissing me off by now!   I researched all of Utah for doctors that would share my interest in finding the cause to everything.  I just didn’t want to cure a symptom I wanted to find the problem at the source.   I found one about 10 minutes from my house….HELLO why didn’t I do this to start with??

We sat in her office, unwrapped the gauze from her arms and the doctor gasped!  Before I said a thing, you know what the first words out of her mouth were?  “This looks like candida”!  I almost started crying!  Finally, Finally, Finally some answers.  I was hopeful!  She gave her a prescription for a fungus cream and an oral antibiotic for candida aka yeast!  Yes Ladies, It isn’t just the privates that have these issues!!   We were scheduled back to the doctor 2 weeks later.  Whatdoya know a week later she had red covered up skin and 2 weeks later she had not a trace of it.  Never has it returned!  Do you know what a relief that was?  We found out that she had FUNgus!  But why?  Why would a 10 year old end up with a head to toe rashy FUNgus infection?

This is what really started my journey with food….

Mission: Off with the TATA’s!

Mission: Remove the Tata’s!
Since the beginning of my cancer battle the word mastectomy has always scared me. Is it because it’s the removal of a body part or maybe because it’s something that I didn’t elect to do on my own, something I have no control over, cancer!! This is a body part that I never really cared to enhance or I would have gotten a “tax refund” years ago when I was single! Why should I now have to give up something that makes me me? This dis-ease is not something that I asked for, it isn’t really a gift; I wouldn’t want to share it with you like my favorite dessert! So what is it? It’s maintenance, it’s a pain in the ass (or breast if you’d rather) it’s a complete life changing experience. I now have to pay attention to me. I have to not only care for my family I have to worry about whether I’ll be here tomorrow.
Damn it I deserve to be here tomorrow, I deserve to be here for the next 5, 10 and 40 plus years of my life! I have a wonderful husband that I want to grow old with, I have 2 daughters that I want to see go to high school dances, graduate, drive, go to college, get married and I WANT to be a grandma! Nothing will take that away from me! I’ll do anything to hold on to that dream!!
No the cancer hasn’t come back. My blood work and scans remain clear. BUT I still have breasts! A lot goes on in there that I still have no control of. The bigger concern, my hormones and they are whacky! So here I go continuing to fight! I’m opting to have a bi-lateral mastectomy to protect myself and my future. I’m healthier now than ever with or without cancer. My green juice, green smoothies and healthy food choices have paid off. I’m officially healthy enough to undergo surgery and hopefully heal fast and be better than before.
The fear is still there “what if” I say that a lot. What if they find a cancer cell, what if they find something in my lymph nodes. There are a lot of “what if’s” with this situation but we knew that from the beginning. There is no “what if’s” however about the fact that this will not pull me under! I will not be sick, I will keep going! I refuse to be labeled as a dis-ease! I’ve been dealing with blood work, scans and canSer (I stole that spelling from Kris Carr, she says that gives me control of the word, I like it) for 19 months now. I am a survivor and I will always be!
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, they are all being answered and used up!
Surgery is scheduled for March 1st. If I can figure out how to upload pic’s and post them I will.
I will keep you all posted on my progress and journey here on this blog. Stay tuned………

Back to the beginning of everything Goodness!!

Back in November of 2008, Thanksgiving Day we were in Las Vegas with my in-laws. My sweet little 9 year old got out of the shower and came into have me blow dry her hair for dinner. She picked up her bangs to show me a circular bald spot right under her bangs on her front hair line. As I was looking through her hair I noticed that her part line on top of her head had separated a little, more scalp was showing. This is a little girl that not only had a thick head of hair but she had a ton of it. I had never noticed any hair loss previous to this maybe because she had so much to cover it up. I got on the computer immediately and started my google search. She has an uncle on her biological dad’s side that has hair loss but at the time I didn’t really remember why or what it was caused by. Everything I searched came up as Alopecia Areata. Most of the sites said that when it happens at a young age it usually leads to permanent hair loss with limited to no re-growth. I really didn’t say anything to her and didn’t want to show her that I was really concerned.
We scheduled an appointment with a dermatologist for a few days later. He confirmed Alopecia Areata, she was crushed! We were both crying in the doctor’s office as I was trying to keep it together she said “Mom, I don’t want to be bald”! What do I say to that? How am I supposed to make her feel better? I felt helpless. That was the first of December 2008 by April 2009 she was completely bald from head to toe eyebrows, lashes and all! In the meantime I was looking for answers why? Genetics? What could I do to make this go away, what could I do to give her hope of hair growth? I was on a mission! I spent hours a day online looking at what items are sold, doctors explanations and as many books and blogs as I could find to help me. Auto-Immune disease is what all the sites and doctors say but they really don’t have any hard science to back that claim up. It is usually secondary to another underlying auto-immune disease such as Lupus or MS. We went in for testing, nothing showed. The dermatologist said he would recommend oral, topical and injections of steroids in the head. I gave them a shot, all but the oral. I don’t really love the idea of steroids. We decided that I didn’t need an upset, oversized 9 year old that was puffed up on steroids and since we saw no hair growth anyway we only did that once and quit. I went back to the library and the computer.
The most amazing thing of all, at this point she didn’t care. She went on like normal, threw a wig on put a smile on her face and skipped off to school. I was torn apart trying to put this all together and find answers. I remember one morning she got out of the shower devastated because she had so much hair fall out in the shower. She was crying, she came in my room we chatted a bit and I finally said to her, “ you can stay home with me today if you want or you need to leave for the bus in 10 minutes”. She dried her eyes and took off out the door! That whole day I was a mess! Stayed in my pj’s all day and got back on my computer searching, I even called some company in the UK looking for answers. She got home after school, stuck her head in the front door asked if she could go to a friends and ran off! WHAT?? I was more upset that she was! I guess that’s my job. My efforts are paying off but we’ll get to that later!
She is now turning 13 this year, still wears a wig and some lashes from time to time but she has hair!! She has about ¾ of her head covered in fuzz and about ¼ of that being long black circle patches of hair. It’s starting to fill in all over her head. She has body hair now which she doesn’t love and half a right eye brow! It’s coming back! Slowly but surely! The most important part of this is that it hasn’t fallen out again. Not common for a person with a diagnosis of Alopecia .

Let’s start here

I’ll start out telling you how my journey started, it didn’t start with cancer.  I’ve always been interested in whole foods and natural healing, I just didn’t know how.  I know a lot of people that are in that same spot today.   Most don’t know that what they are eating may be affecting their family’s health.  And a lot of times even if you do know we are stuck in a routine, we buy the same ingredients and cook the same things in rotation.  Some have a bigger recipe box and others have a smaller one and a lot of us more than not pull a box out of the freezer and cook a pre made meal not knowing that this is what is going wrong with your health.  Do any of you know what is in those premade meals?  I’ll go over it later.  Do any of you have kids with allergies, ADD or ADHD, asthma, stomach or digestion issues?  No matter what medicines you try nothing helps.  Just when you think it is all better and gone for good something sparks it and there you go again, sick!  You aren’t alone.  This is what I hear from my friends and family.  Most people are surprised to know that the 4 of us are not on any daily medications.  I can say that I can’t remember the last time that I had to go get an antibiotic for any of us.  I do have a nebulizer with medicine for emergency asthma for my 2 girls but it’s rare that we have to use it.  It’s usually when we are in a home where a cat or long haired dog lives.  Stay tuned we’ll talk about all of the above and the small things you can do to make changes.